You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
