I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
