True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
