The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I'm really busy with my period
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