i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
