I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
