i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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