a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
