I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
