just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
