oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
