I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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