I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
