but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
