I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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