She is in my trunk
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
