There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
