You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
All I want is dick and wine.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
