After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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