im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
