dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Houston, we have a squirter
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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