Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
