Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
