Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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