i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
