i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
