I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
