dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
