I can text with my tongue
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
