butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
