you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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