Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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