He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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