Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
