Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
