It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
