its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
vagina is talking i cant
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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