Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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