i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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