if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
