I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
