Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
