I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
