I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
