If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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