somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
