What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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