1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
