I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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