words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
