Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
