so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You're like the curious george of whores
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
