I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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