Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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